HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY  / Nana Beth

 

Elle

I miss you as much today as I did the day you were born. Sure wish you were here making a mess of your birthday cake and opening the ton of gifts you would have gotten from all of your family!  I love and miss you baby doll.  Until we see you again!

XXOO

Nana

 

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Christmas comes with many feelings…..  / Nana Beth

Elle, one minute I feel blessed and the next breath I take I feel cheated and want to cry!

It is Christmas….I want to be wrapping your gifts and seeing you take the Christmas decorations off the tree that you were told many times over not to touch!

I stopped to look at clothes for you the other day at the Target. I found some red tights, bright red bow for your dark hair, and a pretty white dress.  I savored in the moment.........like for a second I let myself “pretend” and not hurt.  But then reality moved in and I had to put your chistmas outfit back on the rack and push my empty cart out of the little girls section.....Sadness filled in and I felt very guilty that I allowed the self-pity and tears to fall from the corner of my eyes.   I reminded myself that I need to be thankful to God for all the wonderful things I do have!
So as Christmas passes by this year I will be very thankful to God for all that I am blessed with,........but I will also be wishing you were at our house In the red tights......With the red bow in your hair..... And in that pretty white dress!!!!!

Your always in my heart Elle.  You will always be my grand-daughter.

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Love / Macayla Lindenfelser (Aunt)

Elle,  I have been thinking about you a lot lately. things have been tough and you are always on my mind to keep me smiling. i miss you oh so much today and every day.  i am coming home this weekend and will come visit your grave.  I will bring your puppy Meeko too! :)  i wish you were here to climb all over her and tug on her ears and tail.  She would have loved to have you around.   Just wanted to tell you how much i loved you and missed you, fly close baby doll and spread you love to all that needs it. 

Aunty Macayla

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Happy birthday Ms. Elle  / Nana Beth
I sit here Elle with a loss of words. Wow it has been a year ago that I held you. I have had so many mixed emotions today. At one minute I want to celebrate that you are one, the next I am sad and feel that empty spot that is indescribable. That is the spot I call the Elle hole. To be honest I am not sure what feeling is “the right feeling”. So this is what I am trying to base my emotions for the remainder of my day. We were so blessed; one year ago you’re when we were given a gift that is like no other. We all had uncountable tears that day and we could not find an answer as to why, sadness filled our souls, and in that sadness I was blinded could not see what had truly had really happened. It was not until today when I was at your grave that I could see the real picture. We were given something very special on August 6, 2007. God gave us a beautiful angel. What could we possible be better but to have given birth to an angel? Yes we would have rather bundled you up and take you home to love like most family do after having a baby but we were not given that choice. God had decided that you were needed more in heaven. So now you fly close to all of us each day and take care of us! Now that my dear is a gift we should celebrate. So I am ending you birthday today with enormous pride that I am and will always be Elle Mae Lindenfelser’s grandma. Oh I will still have that empty hole that in my heart with your name on it, however with the next breath I will remember what a special girl you are and know that you really never very far away from any of us.
God bless you Elle and I give him my thanks for such a special gift he gave to us 365 days ago!
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Birthday / Margret &. Bruce Edstrom (GG Aunt/Uncle )
Dear Elle,
Though  we never got to see or hold you, we know you are a very special little girl.  We look forward to meeting you one day when we all get there.
Love, Uncle Bruce and Aunt Margret Close

Baby Angel  / Andi

Elle,

I thought about you at work today..a white butterfly landed on my book and the thought of you in a white and yellow summer dress running around raced through my mind. How I wish I could see you and watch your mommy, daddy, grandparents and aunty mickey play with you and hold you tight. They will all need you this wednesday..give them strength and all your love.

with all my love,

andi

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sunshine / Nana

Elle,

It is amazing what a diffrence sunshine can make!

I visited your grave last night; your colorfull spin wheel was turning so fast, your gerber dasiys were bright and happy, and your coss was standing proud. 

Even though you were not here very long you changed our world. We all miss you everyday and we know that heaven is a better place with you there.

I love you baby doll!

 

 

 

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299 DAY OF MISSING YOU!  / Nana 5/30/2008
Elle,
It has been 299 days yet it feels like it was yesterday. I can still feel you lying in my arms. I see your dark curls; feel the softness of your pink blanket. While I rocked you I kept waiting for you to take a breath. I wanted the doctors to be wrong. You were so perfect. There was no reason why. No one could tell us why. My mind was numb my heart was sad. I remember how wonderful it felt to hold you and rock you 299 days ago, I love you baby doll and I will hold you again someday.
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3/10/08 ~ Empty Days ~  / Nana
The best word I can think of to try to explain my feelings today is “empty”. It is like there is an empty hole in my life. I feel guilty for this feeling and I try to snap myself out of the hole because I have so many things to be thankful for. I really am rich in life, not by the balance of my bank account but more important ways. I am rich with family and friends. Elle it is such a roller coaster of emotions as I try to heal from loosing you. It is important to me that heaven knows that when I have my sad days it does not mean that I am not thankful for what I do have, when I have my sad days I just miss you. Close

10,001 LAKES IN MN  / LISA PODRITZ (GREAT AUNT )

Sweetest Elle,

Wow, it's taken me this long to have the courage to put my feelings in writing.

I know they say MN is the land of 10,000 lakes but I'm certain since you grew your beautiful angel wings it's increased to at least 10,001; 10,000 lakes and a new one filled with loving salty tears. You are forever etched in our hearts.

Please ask your angel friends to sprinkle healing dust on the hearts and souls of your mommy, daddy, nana Beth, papa Nick, aunt Macayla, uncle Mason, grandpa Brian and grandma Kris.

Loving you for ever and always,

Great aunt Lisa

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Day by day  / Macayla Lindenfelser (Aunty)
Elle the love that your family has for you in unconditional, you are everything to us, and best of all you are my angel.  It hasn't been easy without you there is a vacant area and you belong in it.  It cant be filled with any one elses presence because it just wouldn't be the same. I think about you every day and all day, you are my inspiration to keep my chin up.  If you were here today i would hold you in my arms and never let go.  I can just see you now, sitting up, crawling around, attempting to stand and smiling from ear to ear with those two front teeth showing.  I may never get to see this but i still know that it is happening.  I miss and love you so much my little angel. Cant wait to see you, Aunty Mickey Close

2/29/08 Tears.....  / Nana Beth

Elle,  
Boy am I having a Elle day today! The deep emptiness has filled my sole and I am again asking that same questions, WHY? Darn it all, WHY?!
It is a hard day today. Nothing set it off it just is one of those “other days”. The tears will not stop falling. I am trying to keep it inside and not show it to others but it is not easy. I know my family and friends do not want to see me hurt so I keep it to myself. I don’t want people to think I am not moving forward because I am, I have no choice. I love my family and I thank God for them so I move forward.
There is no rule book on when I have to stop crying or stop thinking about you so much. Everyone heal and morns differently. The sadness is still so raw for me. I have no idea when the pain will end or if it ever will. I do know one thing dear Elle, your grandma love you so very much. You will always be my special little girl.
Darn the tears…..I have to go now, I will write again soon angel.

Nana Beth

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the year of the firsts  / Nana Beth
The year of the firsts

Elle,

We miss you. I know through my christian belief that you are in a much better place. I should be happy for you.  But selfishly I wish you were here with us. I wish you were here for us to enjoy.  Life would be so different if our Elle Mae was here. But day by day we move forward, one foot in front of the other. We go through the year of the firsts. First time holding another baby, first Christmas, first Valentines Day, first birthdays,…..etc. Will the seconds be better? Will the pain fade with the seconds? How about the thirds?

We seem to be going through some hard times lately. There are a lot of sad people that I wish I could mend. I would love for you to send some of your angel love their way. Please visit Aunt Sherry; she is going through the year of the firsts without her husband and soul mate Gregg. Bless their family as they put one foot in front of the other and go day by day. Keep a close eye on great grandma Pat. She had a rough year with the loss of  her brother Gregg and the loss of you. Two big holes in her heart this year.
The ones that may need you the most right now are your mommy, daddy, and Aunt Mickey. As a mom we are pre-programmed to fix what ever is hurting our children. I would do anything to put a bandage on their pain. But here I sit watching them hurt and I can’t fix it. I have no magical words to make it better. I can’t explain why you died and I can’t bring you back. I want to make it better but I can’t, that is a very hard for me.
Elle please fly close to them as the make their way through the healing process. Fill them up with love from the heavens and watch over them when they are sad. You are our little angel and we all love you so very much.

Love
Nana Beth
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I'm sorry  / Stephanie Lindenfelser (auntie)
Sweet little cherub, they say that sometimes it's easier to run from your feeling's and emotion's then it is to face them head on. It's been awhile since I was here to visit and I regret that. I saw auntie Mickey today adn she was  having a real bad day, she told me she was going to see you and it made me realize I needed to do that too! Reading through some of the letter's you've recieved and I see that there is still so much pain. Sometimes I think if a person pretend's its not there they will eventually believe themselve's. But the pain is too real yet.

I was out at your grave a few weeks ago, you are missed so very much. I love you very much little girl and Love your family very much also! Close

"other day"  / Nana Beth
Elle,

They say that time heals, I am still waiting........
It is a whirl wind of mixed motions. I want time to pass so the pain is not so hurtful, BUT on the other hand I want time to stand still because I don’t want to move forward without you. It has been 5 months since I held you in my arms. It still feels like yesterday.
The memories of you have not faded a bit! I rocked you. You were in your pink fuzzy blanket; pink was diffently your color.
Eyes closed, putty lips, dark curly hair, small little nose, big feet, angel face.
Today the Elle hole in my heart is hurting. Some days are better then others, this is definitely one of my “other days.”
I miss my granddaughter.
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Forever in my heart  / Macayla Lindenfelser (Aunt)
Elle, i miss you so much i cant stop thinking about you.  I am lonely and could use you in my arms whenever you have the chance.  I hope you're having the time of your life up there with all the wonderful angels,  we think about all of you very often.  I love you so so so much baby girl.  Have a good day hunny 
Love always and forever your Aunty! Close

Merry Christmas!  / Erica Ayden's Mommy
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Daydream world.......  / Nana Beth
I find myself looking at every baby I see. I want to pick each one up and hold them tight. Love them. Then I get a case of the if only’s and I float into my day dream world of how life would be different if you were here. I can feel you in my arms, I can smell the sent of your baby lotion, and I can see the curls in your hair. No worries, no heart ach, just love. Then there is a noise or someone saying my name. I hate to leave my daydream world but without choice I am sent back here to the real world with the feeling of both peace and sadness that washing over me. Oh Elle you are so missed.

Sweet baby girl, I love you. I miss you.
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I missed you while we were at Disney!  / Vicki Momma To Angel Emalee Rain
We are back from Disney ! I missed lighting candles for all my angel babies. I hope all of you know that I love you and I kept you close to my heart while we were away. I sent you all hugs and kisses every night when they sent fireworks into the sky. I hope you caught them and I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving in Heaven. I pictured all of you eating pumpkin pie with my Emalee. To all of you and your families I send you my love and prayers. This holiday season is going to be hard for us all but please know I have you all in my thoughts and in my heart!
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Merry christmas Elle  / Lori Mommy 2. Twins Kinsey And Kylee (another angel mom )
Just wanted you to know Elle-that Im thinking of you always-wondering how your mommy and daddy are doing? Ive been so busy with school I dont have too much extra time for candle lighting, but I always thinkof all my lil angels and their families. Just wishing you and your family a Merry Christmas....A beautiful tree for you Elle
And a fun snowman

But we can't forget our Fahter-King of Kings- Close